DEAR MISS MANNERS: My sister-in-law despatched my husband $1,200 and informed him to spend it on garments and stuff for himself.
It takes me one month to earn that sort of cash working 40 hours every week. For the previous three months, I’ve been working 80 hours every week to help us. I’m careworn and drained to the max, however I do it so we will be comfy. My husband doesn’t work, which is an association we agreed on.
We simply obtained married and moved right into a home that wants furnishings. I really feel that he mustn’t settle for the reward whether it is tied to how she desires it spent.
I feel that the cash needs to be used to purchase requirements. There are numerous issues we’d like and need. Garments will not be one among them — particularly $1,200 price of garments.
I really feel disrespected by his household. I work very arduous to help us, and to have them dictate the way to spend a present of money is creating an enormous rift between us. Am I overthinking this?
GENTLE READER: You might be underthinking it.
Each time Miss Manners believes she has accomplished her record of causes for disliking money as presents, a Mild Reader is type sufficient to supply one other.
Etiquette awards the selection of reward to the giver, however frowns on attaching circumstances. (The distinction between a suggestion and a situation is left to the reader to find out.)
Etiquette additionally acknowledges the recipient because the beneficiary. Had your husband acquired a field of goodies, it could have been thoughtful of him to give you some — exactly as a result of there was no requirement that he accomplish that.
As each you and your sister-in-law are at fault, Miss Manners will deal with herself to your husband, and recommend that will probably be simpler on him if, sooner or later, when his sister desires to spoil him, she precedes it with a personal telephone name so she will present an precise current.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: My mom died seven years in the past. Her sister, who’s in her 90s, is the one member of the family of her technology nonetheless alive. She and my mom weren’t shut, and I’ve not had good relations with my aunt.
When my aunt dies, am I, because the oldest member of the subsequent technology, obligated to ship flowers or make a donation to her designated charity? If that’s the case, can I ship it on behalf of her sister, my mom, though she is deceased? Or can I merely ship a brief observe to my cousin, with whom I’m not shut, providing her my sympathy?
My mom was a paragon of fine manners and I really feel obligated to ensure she can be represented properly.
GENTLE READER: You might be proper to characterize your mom’s emotions, fairly than your individual, on the loss of life of your aunt. However the identify on the backside should be your individual: Something made to appear to be it comes out of your deceased mom shall be alarming, and may also be seen as disrespectful.
Write a letter to your cousin expressing your individual condolences. Though such letters will not be sometimes lengthy, there shall be loads of room to incorporate the type phrases you consider your mom would have mentioned to mark the event.
Please ship your inquiries to Miss Manners at her web site, www.missmanners.com; to her e mail, firstname.lastname@example.org; or by postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas Metropolis, MO 64106.